The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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