i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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