Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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