That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm both gender and math confused
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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