You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
