VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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