Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
