My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
