So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You have to summon your inner elephant
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
