Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
