omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
