my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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