i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize