11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
