yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
