I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
