Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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