Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
