i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
