Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
