why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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