id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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