Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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