Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
