seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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