I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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