The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
