things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
They have beer where we have blood.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
