i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
