spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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