I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize