So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
