party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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