dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
