there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
