im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
