wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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