i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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