Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
