these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You're a waste of cheezeits
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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