My underwear smells like fireworks.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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