a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
