How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
