lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
kristin has been a bad kristin
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Randomize
