call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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