Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
