Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
