I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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