I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
