I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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