I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
When did angry sex become our thing?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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