I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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