I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
