I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I cut my penus on the lid.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
