he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
