smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
