I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I am midnight drunk by noon
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
