I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
