And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize