Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
