I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
