whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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